he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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