I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
