i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
