You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
