The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
