i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
