I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
