I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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