remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize