I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
