Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
