The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
