When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize