The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
