I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
