Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
