Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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