My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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