if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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