I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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