This girl is more easily done than said...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
