the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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