I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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