they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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