Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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