pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
