I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
