im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
