Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
