he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize