a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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