Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
