My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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