And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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