i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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