Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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