I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
