You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
