its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
