Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
