He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
