This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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