i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
