I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
