I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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