Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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