Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
