I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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