Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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