i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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