planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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