His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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