Pants 0. Shit 1.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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