My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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