I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
