Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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