from now on my penis is your penis
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
