we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
