honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
