I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
