Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
