i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
