I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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