I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
