The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
