My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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