life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
