Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
