I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
