worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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