i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
