Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize